I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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