Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
