I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
