He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize