You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
