Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i came on her dog
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
