Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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