i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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