So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
