I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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