Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
