I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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