the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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