$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
