so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
