out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
