i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
