The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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