it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
