its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
