Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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