I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
