Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
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you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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