Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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