why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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