mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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