you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
