the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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