my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
