Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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