I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
