I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize
