your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
