Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
