I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
