Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
