I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
