he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
