I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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