had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
