Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
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