Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
