im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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