I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
