Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
