I will die if light touches me.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.