Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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