I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving