So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
This house was built for laser tag.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
two words...techno handjob
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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