bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
