Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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