I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Are we still banned from the library?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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