I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
