He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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