i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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