I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
