You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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