So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
