I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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