I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
