My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Woke up backwards on a recliner
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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