god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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