Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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