and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
