no. you can't hotbox the world.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
