Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Is it because I queefed?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
