Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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