i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
