my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize