Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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