i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
