I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
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