i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
