Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
