You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
